but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
