im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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