Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
