Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
