Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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