I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
