Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
