All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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