So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
