So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
