so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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