I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My penis needs a shock collar
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
