I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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