drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
