i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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