Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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