Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
