she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
