Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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