The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
