So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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