grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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