no, he came in my armpit
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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