I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
