I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
