I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
