I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
