You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
