he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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