omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
