I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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