The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
