i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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