his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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