I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
