1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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