haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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