Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
