Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
