if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
