did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am mentally ready for anal.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
