to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
