why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
