I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
