i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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