I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
