You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
