i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
