when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
