OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
