you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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